from Irv's unofficial Darwin webite

http://members.aol.com/dierdorff/darwin/index.html

Bwana Dusty as weather-forecasting device

If the phone lines are down (which happens every second thunderstorm or so), you can't glean local weather conditions from the Internet. (No, cell phones don't work in Darwin; stop trying to second guess me.)  A satellite dish might be able to pick up some semblance of local weather, but we don't have one, so we can't. You can't receive local radio stations out of Bishop or Lone Pine unless you drive to the top of a hill, five or so miles away. You can get a five-word weather report every hour or so on Thunder Country FM out of Ridgecrest, but it's generic and useless. So, in a pinch we've devised a way to use Bwana Dusty as a weather-forecasting aid. If you don't have Bwana Dusty around (which chances are, you won't--because she's our cat), you can use a small pet of your choice.

The emphasis here is on small. Anything too big, say German Shepard size, would interfere with forecast accuracy. Anything too small--say, gerbil size--would have an opposite deleterious affect. If you don't have a suitably sized animal, we have provided a likeness of Bwana to the left. Simply download the image, cut it out, and using heavy-duty glue of some sort, paste the image artistically onto a smoothish rock weighing about seven to 10 pounds. Next attach a six-inch piece of yarn or string to the rock with duct tape. Now you have a Bwana Dusty Weather Rock^TM.

How to use Bwana to forecast the weather

If you use your pet to forecast Darwin weather, please substitute its name whenever we mention "Bwana Dusty" in the following instructions. If you're using a Bwana Dusty Weather Rock^TM, please substitute "Bwana Dusty Weather Rock^TM" whenever we mention "Bwana Dusty." It's that simple!

Put Bwana Dusty outside; if you don't put Bwana Dusty outside, your weather forecast will be unreliable and possibly totally inaccurate. Watch her through a convenient window. (Here's a tip: If the weather's really inclement--i.e., a force-three hurricane--Bwana might be slightly hesitant about leaving the toasty confines of the relatively weatherproof human dwelling unit. In a case like this, you might employ a helper to hold the door open against the gale, while you gently toss her outside.)

Usually no more than a few seconds, and certainly no more than a minute, are needed to use Bwana to check weather conditions:

• If Bwana casts a distinct shadow, it's sunny; if it's indistinct, it's partly cloudy or foggy.

• Is she wet? Then it's raining.

• Is she wet, and is her fur all ruffled and moving? It's raining and windy. (In the case of a weather rock, the yarn tail will be moving and wet.)

• Did she start rolling and tumbling very fast, quickly moving away from you, quickly disappearing from view? Chances are, it's very windy.

• Is only her head visible above water? It's raining very hard. Seek higher ground.

• Was Bwana swept away by swift-moving muddy brown water? I'd say it was a flash flood.

• If covered with snow, it's snowing.

• If she starts panting, it's hot. (In the case of a Bwana Dusty Weather Rock^TM, you would actually need to venture outside and feel the rock after a few minutes exposure.)

• If she catches on fire, it's very hot and perhaps not a weather phenomenon. Check for nearby mushroom clouds or fast-approaching celestial bodies.

Once you get the hang of it, you can more accurately define very short-lived phenomena or weather conditions peculiar to your section of the country. For example, tornadoes are very rare in Darwin, so we have not included a description of how you could tell you were experiencing one by watching Bwana Dusty. However, having seen tornadoes on TV, I would assume that Bwana Dusty--being smaller than an average human--would become airborne much sooner than you, giving you ample time to escape. Unlike a hurricane-force gale (see previous weather forecasting tips), Bwana would not be blown sideways; in a tornado we would expect to see her rapidly rotating around the storm's unseen vortex, along with rocks, mailboxes, jars of Gummi Bears, cellular phones, women's compacts, unattended ashtrays and the like.

Bwana Dusty versus the Mojave Wind Sock

Several old-time Mojave Desert residents argue that only a Mojave Desert wind sock--a double semi's tire chain bolted to a car-sized boulder--will better survive severe area winds. We agree, but it's still no substitute for the more-detailed information in less-inclement conditions obtained from the deployment of Bwana Dusty. After some experimentation, we endorse a two-tiered approach, Bwana and the Mojave wind sock. If Bwana Dusty disappears suddenly upon introduction into the outside environment, it's high time to observe the Mojave Desert wind sock.

1. If the chain is unmoving and the car-sized boulder is still in its original position, don't worry. Bwana Dusty has some emergency exploring to do and has simply left your field of view. Perhaps she saw a bird or an ant to torment.

2. If the truck tire chain is gently flapping, in a ca-chink-ca-chink kind of way against the boulder, a mild Mojave breeze is up. At this point, if Bwana is still among the living, it would be best to let her back in immediately.

3. If the tire chain is straight out, not in any way rattling against the rock, it is time to board up the windows with one-inch exterior ply (while wearing a flak jacket and OSHA-approved head gear).

4. If the tire chain and/or rock is gone, a moderate Mojave gale is in the making. Forget about the one-inch ply and grab some rope. Strap loved members of the family to phone poles that have not broken, D-9 rippers or large earth-moving equipment. The lee side please!

Desert humor is often an exaggeration. Never subject your living "Bwana Dusty" to dangerous situations. Instead, use either the Bwana Dusty Weather Rock^TM  or Mojave Desert wind sock described above.